Week 2

MondayJanuary 7th1364kcalWalk
TuesdayJanuary 8thN/A*Walk
WednesdayJanuary 9th1656kcal30 Day Shred I + Walk
ThursdayJanuary 10th1356kcal2x Walk
FridayJanuary 11th1397kcal
SaturdayJanuary 12th1422Walk
SundayJanuary 13thN/A*

*Calories not tracked this day.

Friday weight: 107 kg

Reading:

  • The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien p. FINISHED
  • The Fellowship of the Ring p. 58/481

Really? REALLY?! I’ve gained 1.6kg in just a week? I really must’ve done a worse job than I thought I did. Granted, I haven’t been very careful this week for various reasons, but I didn’t think I was that far off. It’s probably a mix between Tuesday when I didn’t track and just small additions that haven’t been logged properly over the week. It really doesn’t take much to go way off rather quickly. Needless to say, I’m not happy with this progress. One thing’s for sure, I need to step up my game both food and workout-wise next week if I want to see any results.

Reading however, is moving along just great to be honest. I finished The Hobbit and started reading Fellowship of the Ring. I’ve also taken the time to watch The Hobbit trilogy whilst at it, since it was awhile ago. I have to admit that after reading the book I’ve got an entirely different view of the films. I still don’t hate them like some people do, I can enjoy them for what they are: alright fantasy flicks with some nice comic relief. But I found myself being annoyed at things that didn’t match the book.

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I’m with cat

Today she finally moved in with me! My lovely darling Unix. Ever since I moved in to this new apartment i November, she’s been staying back with J in our old apartment so that I could get things going here.

My lovely cat Unix.

It feels great having company again, and she’s a great cuddler (is that even a word?) in the evenings. Tonight I’m cuddling down watching The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies, eating some sweets and just cuddling away all evening. I mean, isn’t this the best cuddle you’ve ever seen? All up there and in your face, haha.

Cuddle Unix, she loves being up and in your face!

Have a great saturday evening y’all!

Bipolar disorder – Diagnosis

Before I start this post I want to make something very clear: I am not a healthcare professional, mental health or otherwise. Nor am I a therapist or a psychiatrist. If you feel like you need to talk to someone, or recognise yourself in any description of a condition – please contact your local health center and get professional help.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the autumn of 2015, after having suffered a rather long hypomanic period over the summer. I wasn’t aware at the time of what was going on, not even close.

Rewind to when I was a teenager – I was 14 ~ish, when I experienced my first symptoms of depression. Of course, I didn’t know back then that that’s what it was, but looking back it’s been pretty clear. Over my teenage years, I more or less had what’s known as high-functioning depression. It didn’t affect my studies all too much, I wasn’t staying in bed all day and it wasn’t too easy to notice. I remember the feeling though, which came from a lot of different circumstances in my life at the point. Lack of friends, lack of self-confidence and lack of self-esteem. Over the years I didn’t really do much to get help, and the very few times I did I wasn’t offered the help needed.

Flash forward to 2015. I was living with my then-boyfriend, J, in a very small place (18sqm to be exact), under rather stressed conditions. It wasn’t by any means bad, but it definitely helped trigger what happened next. Now, I don’t remember a lot from that summer – memory loss is rather common after a hypomanic episode – but I do remember feeling entitled. Feeling like I was in the right, all. the. damn. time. No kidding.

One thing I remember specifically is what I call the “phone accident. I was ridiculously angry at J for something (probably nothing), and decided to leave the house with some vague threat of hurting myself. I refused to take my phone with me since I didn’t want anyone to reach me at that point. Most likely I wouldn’t have hurt myself had he just let me go, but he refused to leave and just stood there, outside of our building, trying to hand me the phone. I got so angry I took it and told him that if he left I would just put the phone under a nearby rock and pick it up when I came back. Long story short, that’s exactly what happened and I ran off into the night being angry and upset trying to calm myself down. I came back about half an hour later only to find that my phone was gone, literally just disappeared. I assumed that J had come to his senses and gone back for it, but it turns out he hadn’t. I ended up spending the coming two days cancelling all my credit cards and similar, as they were attached to the phone pocket. During this time I was angry at J for causing this and I felt like it was all his fault. I felt as though it would’ve ended well had he just let me go.

There are several stories like this one, stories where I make myself look like a downright idiot if I tell them, which I why I rarely talk about it. It’s sometimes hard to make people understand the kind of mindset you were in during an episode which caused you to act the way you did. Coming out of an episode it’s not unusul to suffer memory loss and some of these stories have come to me from other people who were around me at the time. Of course, looking back I do realise that my actions were unjustified but I’ve also spent years coming to accept that I couldn’t do more than my best to prevent them. Once an episode has set it, it’s almost impossible to stop without professional help – and I wasn’t aware of what was going on.

After this incident, and several others over the summer, I was pushed to seek help and thankfully took that advice to heart and did so. After a few months of questionnaires, interviews and tests I was presented with my diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder II (type 2).

I wasn’t quite shocked as it had been expected, but I was confused as to what this would mean for me, J and my future. But most of all I was relieved, that finally had words and reasons behind my acting and all the confusion I had been through. I was put on medication as soon as possible and started going to therapy to help find mechanisms to cope with the disorder when it does start to spin out of control. With that I have now built a better and more stabile life for myself, of course with the usual setbacks every now and then. Over the coming weeks, I will make some more posts on this subject and talk more about how it is right now, what works for me and what doesn’t, and how I learned to accept myself as a bipolar person and all that included.

Week 1

Monday December 31st
Tuesday January 1st 1300 kcal
Wednesday January 2nd 1328 kcal
Thursday January 3rd 1313 kcal
Friday January 4th 1394 kcal Walk
Saturday January 5th 1631 kcal Deep cleaning
Sunday January 6th 1377 kcal

Friday weight: 105.4 kg

Reading: The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien p. 174/305

Analysis:

I’m happy with the friday weight, as it’s already very close to my Valentine’s goal. I did set my first goal quite close to my current weight for two reasons. One, because I wasn’t sure of how much I weighed when writing the goals. Two, because I wanted some leeway to begin slow at the start of the year. Anything I lose above my goal is of course just a bonus.

Food-wise my week has been quite alright. I stuck to my limit even though I didn’t necessarily eat all healthy foods. It’s all about portion control. Workout-wise I only made two sessions this week (one of which was deep cleaning the entire apartment), mostly due to being away up until thursday which made it hard (but I admit not impossible) to do anything. I’m not happy with it and I plan on doing better next week.

The reading has moved forward, though I’m still bad at doing it regularly. I’ve been trying to do some reading every night before going to sleep – but I’m usually so very tired in the evenings. I need to find some better way of incorporating reading into my everyday life.

Regularly

This is NOT an ad.

2019-01-08 Correction: There is in fact an option to sort the list by due date, something I had completely missed during my previous searches. This was brought to my attention by the developer of the app, Justin, with whom I was in contact with over email to show my review. He also let me know that the app is currently not under active development. This is really too bad since it is still, in my opinion, one of a kind.


I want to recommend an amazing app that I’ve been using daily for the past few months. It’s called Regularly and it does, which the name slightly indicates, help you keep track of chores and things you do on a regular basis.

It can be hard sometimes to keep track of what you’ve done and when you last did them. Especially if you’re like me, and your mind just blurs days together. That’s why this app is so great. It will tell you when you did the chore last and when it’s due to be done again – all based on your own choices.

Screenshot view of mainpage for Regularly app.
The app has a nice colour scheme making it easy on the eyes

The app is friendly on the eye and very simple to use. It comes with some predefined tasks that I personally didn’t use, but that can come in handy when it comes to giving you ideas on what to add. It also has the option to categorise different tasks. Above you can see a list of mine from my “all tasks” list, but you can see in the upper right that it says “Cleaning”. So you can label the tasks and choose to show only tasks of that label. I have labels for Cleaning, Diet & Health, Hygiene & Beauty, Pets & Animals, etc…

Regularly widget view.
Their widget on home screen of my Samsung Galaxy S6

As you can see, their widget is clean cut and simple to view. It shows clearly when things are due and as you can see, I hadn’t brushed my teeth for the evening yet (it was 5pm…) nor done my evening skincare routine.

The only thing I miss, is the option to sort the list based on how many days there are left for it to be done. At current time of writing, the list is sorted by a ratio of how long is left since you last did it vs. how often you’ve said you’ll do it. So as you can see in the widget above, Shower is in between two other things that are 2 days apart, even though it is to be done tomorrow. The reason Change bedsheet is above that is because it’s done every 14 days, and 12 days passed of 14, is more than 2 days of 3. If that makes sense? Really, you get used to it though.

PRO

  • Easy to use
  • Rolling schedule based on when you perform task
  • Beautiful colour scheme and widget

CON

  • Slightly strange order of tasks
  • No option to order tasks as you wish
  • No way to ‘skip’ tasks, must either log or not log

Where to find

From what I can see, the app is only available on the Google Play Store for Android use, and not on the App Store for Apple users.

Google Play Store: https://bit.ly/1jvGvbV

Home Sweet Home

Now I have left the safety of my parent’s home, to arrive late last night at the safety of my own. I spent a good two weeks there (quite exactly) and it was great. I’ve always loved staying at my parent’s place as it’s almost just like moving back home – but for a reasonable period of time. I’ll be honest, I’ve had days during my 20’s where I’ve wanted to just say F* it, and move back home. Moments where I’ve been scared of living on my own, wondering if I’m cut out to live my own life afterall. Nowadays though, I’m quite content living on my own. The only thing I wish is that there was less than 250km distance between me and my old home. It’s not that far, takes about 2 hours door-to-door, but it’s still 2 hours nonetheless. Nothing you just “drop by for a coffee” from.

All in all, I’m quite happy with my situation, even if it could be better or different. Life is much easier if you’re happy and keep a positive attitude. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes that’s really hard and I have bad days just like everybody else. Generally though, I’m good for the moment – and I plan to enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Toodles,

New Year’s Eve

Here are some pictures of my New Year’s Eve. I hope you all had a great one, and that you’re beginning the new year however you see suitable for you, but great nonetheless. For me awaits a healthier lifestyle (or an attempt thereof) and more reading, as described in the previous post.

My new year’s dinner consisted of potato gratin, chicken and green pepper sauce together with a fresh salad. Had a great time with my closest family and some friends. Now I’m looking forward to the new year and all that it has in store.

New Year's Dinner
Dessert
Board Games
Drinks
Champagne
Lanterns

I hope you all had a great new year’s eve!